Mommy told me when I was a baby she could leave me in my room with toys and I would sit there and play for hours… by myself. It was hard for me to make friends.. I was never out rightly friendly like i didn’t see the need for friends… My first best friend was a boy in Pre K. He had a big head. Well couple years later.. I haven’t changed dude. I’m an introvert. I have mostly close guy friends. She used to call me a cat. It grew worse when i got my first pair of kittens when I was three. But she called me cat not only because of my eyes and how I mimicked them but because I was finicky.. I didn’t warm up to people easily. I could care less if you were in the room I was most likely in my own world. Till this day.. My step dad continues to call me a cat. “KittyKittyKitty!” is how I get called down to dinner. lol whatever yo.
Cats are cool. I like them. I wish more people were like cats. We could get along and such. But sadly no, I just live with these human things.
meow.
Got off of work at 1:30. I was tired, but you know.. Now I’m up.
Your mind. Captivates me. I grasp your head. Smother myself in your hair. Smelling your scent. Inhaling your thoughts. Becoming intoxicated. I become lightheaded.
I close my eyes. Find my comfort in you. Find my entirety in you. Find my love in you. You give me a piece of mind. You give me a peace of mind.
You’re raw. Beautiful in every aspect of the word. You radiate. My own personal sun. In your light I bask in. I’ve learned so much. Obtain so much. Grown so much.
The student.
The teacher.
You’re not real. You’re skin is cold. Fragile. And with the wind pieces begin to shed. To blow. Far away from me. You’re a journey.
The wind cease. And nothing is under my hands. Only residue of what once was. You’re a journey.
I’m on a journey.
I set out. Finding pieces in pictures. In cafes. In my morning tea. In books. Each bringing me closer to you. The past. Finding peace in pictures. In cafes. In my morning tea. In books. Each bringing me closer to me. The future.
I close my eyes. Find comfort in me. Find my entirety in me. Find my love in me.
I look into the mirror. Into my eyes. Into the moments.
They’re only moments.
Moments long ago.
Memories of what once was.
I’m on a journey.
Lets run away. Just run. Run away from the hurt, the pain, the judgement.
Alone. The sky watching us. The sun studying us. The moon looking dreamily down at two lost souls. Just trying to find a reason. Trying to make sense of this world.
Let me twirl. Dance. Jump. Scream on the top of my lungs. I want to feel free. I’m outgrowing this box. This box filled with flaws, insecurities and ugliness. Over it. Dead it.
You ever look into someones eyes? Deep. And notice how much of the enemy is located within them. You can’t save someone from themselves. You ever take note of the conflict happening in their very body?
You ever look at something thinking how beautiful it is. You reach out to touch it. Smile and try to grasp but your hand runs through it. It isn’t real. Reality vs. perception.
You ever have those little moments of happiness. You feel light. You bask in every second because you know in the next it might just be gone.
So we carry on. Heavy. Hard. Hiding. Falling. Leaping. Running. Stopping. To. Look. At. Every. Milestone. We reach. But this is temporary. It won’t be long till we’re snapped back to reality. Living the very life that doesn’t satisfy us.
But that’s how it works.There is no middle ground. Only you. Your heart like a stone. Your head. Your thoughts holding up the best they can. It’s always a struggle.
Forever a struggle.
Don’t spend your life in waste
GG
Find beauty in everything and everyone in that moment of time. They don’t have to be there in the next. Never take advantage of time. Don’t risk it. Life is too short for the grudges. The hostility. The jealousy. The hurt of words. Find beauty in every angry moment. Every hurtful moment. Once the moment comes and goes. It’s never coming back. You can’t rewind and change what you said. What you did. Just think. Think of someone or something other than yourself. Everyone is a work in progress and it’s never too late to change a bad habit.
I miss the feeling. The feeling of having someone there for you. To listen. To understand.
We were fine. But I was never satisfied and you were never trustworthy.
I wanted to feel comfortable with you. I wanted YOUR appreciation.
I was insecure in front of you. But you didn’t know.
We don’t know much about one another. Only tendencies.
We spent so much time hiding from each other.
Locking away secrets. Burying bodies. Trying to kill old habits in silence.
That we never truly got to know each other.
Bummer how one secret slipped up from under the door.
Me waiting to catch it. I caught it. It ruined us.
Then again there never really was an us. Just a you and a me.
Us never existed. I was waiting though. Somewhat hoping I could get passed everything.
But lets face it. Not even in another lifetime.
I miss my Charlie. He texted me Frank Oceans lyrics “Thinking about you.” a couple of mornings ago.And made me smile waking up. Because no one does that for me. Only Charlie. Only Charlie sits there and points out the stars to me. Only Charlie notices how fat my ass is getting. Only with Charlie do I feel all comfortable and naggy. Its amazing really. How we grew as friends. I never really told him WHY I felt like we shouldn’t pursue anything. I’ll tell him one day. It all really stems down to.. I just didn’t want to hurt him. Since senior year… I didn’t want to hurt this boy. I love and respect Charles enough not to put him through such shit. Like I do everyone else. Charles deserve so much better than what I can give, he does.
This dude. This vile disgusting sorry excuse for a man. This guy that I almost fell absolutely in love with. Texted me. I’m upset. That after a month of no contact you feel that you can just text me “Hey” … Oh. Cool. I literally sat there. Like I’m not about to fucking answer this text message. Who am I again? Oh yeah Genevieve. Bye. Yeah.. I replied. Because I was Michel-le wholeheartedly Michel-le. I just said “Hi?” I was a bitch though. The whole entire conversation. Told me his car situation was still on standstill. My reply. “Welpity welpwelpwelp. Sucks.” I guess that was mean. He didn’t text back. Not that I cared. I’m trying to cleanse my body of this boy. He sickens me sometimes. Every time I think back to what I found out about what this fuck did. It makes me sick to my stomach. No hard feelings. I just don’t want him in my life at the moment. I need my space. I know my worth and I respect that. He obviously doesn’t.
It’s just some people you have to love from a distance, some you just have to cut completely off till you’re ready again. Not saying I will ever get back with this dude. But ready to even accept back as a friend. Or less.
